The Trolls of South Park
by BensonDunwoody
Summary: Trolls have invaded the South Park newspaper, and it's up to Kenny, Kyle, and Stan to stop them. Disclaimer: I do not own South Park. Warning: Contains foul language, mentions of slash, could be more than just mentions if you want.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This is a fic my friend MuscleManMyMom decided to write together, it is nothing to take serious._

* * *

It was a pretty bland day in South Park, not even a single thing was happening, no alien abductions, no crazy sons of Satan, nothing. However, that was all about to change in 3...2..1..

BAM! The door flew open and Kenny McCormick stomped into his friend's room looking peeved as hell.

"Kenny, what's wrong?" Kyle asked, turning away from his computer to look at his disgruntled friend.  
"They...are...at...it...again." Kenny puffed out through gritted teeth.

Kyle knew exactly who 'they' were, they were a group of trolls who thought they were butter on toast, the cream of the crop, top dollar, the best thing since sliced bread.

"You didn't feed them right?" Kyle asked, he knew that feeding the trolls would just make everything worse, trolls thrived on that stuff.

"Of course not! But it's not working! I've been ignoring them for a week and they're still out there wrecking havoc on my articles!" Kenny exclaimed.

After Jimmy and Nathan's hate turned to love, they ran off together, no one knew where, and Kenny became the new editor and chief of the South Park newspaper, which moved to an online site because the hippies kept complaining about the destruction of trees.

Now, anyone who wanted to, could post comments on the articles, even trolls.

"What are they saying?" Kyle said, remaining calm. The only time he ever really got riled up was when Cartman was around.

"Nothing out of the usual, they're just all slewing shit and trying to talk tough, can you believe someone at our school would be like that?" Kenny asked.

He knew that it was someone at the school, because only South Park school students had access to the website.

"You know what, I bet it was Cartman!" Kyle exclaimed, jumping up out of his seat.

Kenny, however, wasn't so sure,

"I don't think it was Cartman, I mean, wouldn't he take credit for it? He's not the type to hide behind a false identity is he?" Kenny asked.

"Maybe you're right." Kyle said with a sigh, sitting back on his computer chair.

So, they were back at square one, with his number one suspect out of the way, he had no idea who else it could be unless...

What if Jimmy was jealous of Kenny being the new big man of the newspaper? What if he was closer than everyone thought?

"What if it's Jimmy?" Kyle then asked, voicing his thoughts outloud.

"I don't think so, it doesn't seem like Jimmy." Kenny said with disbelief.

"Yea, well, we're talking about a kid who took steroids to win the special olympics." Kyle said.

"Yea, but in the end he confessed, and those are two totally unrelated issues. These trolls, they're ruthless, immature, they attack anyone and say things that no one should ever have said to them." Kenny said, shaking visibly. Kyle knew that the trolls had said more than just the usual shit, he was about to probe him for answers when Stan walked in.

"Hey Kyle, your mom said you were up here, how's everything going?" Stan asked, completely ignoring Kenny.

"It's going okay, the trolls are picking on Kenny again." Kyle said, looking from Stan to Kenny and back again, wondering what was going on between them. All week they were avoiding each other like the plague.

He figured that they would work it out on their own, but so far, that didn't seem like it was going to happen.  
"So, what's going on between you two?" He finally asked.

The room was completely silent for a few minutes until Stan finally broke it with these three life altering words,

"Kenny kissed Wendy."

* * *

 _A/N: I'm sorry this chapter is sooo short, this is just the chapter to set the mood of things._

 _If you want me to continue, then awesome, but if you don't, I probably still will because this is fun._

 _Thank you all for reading._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I have decided to switch from third person POV to first person POV._

* * *

 _ **Kyle's POV:**_

I could not believe it, Kenny had kissed Wendy, he had kissed his good friend's girlfriend.

The news of that then put Stan on the suspect list, maybe trolling Kenny was his way of getting revenge on him for kissing his girlfriend. It seemed like a good motive, but I would have to ask Stan for clarification, I knew that he would tell me if I asked, I mean, I was his super best friend right?

I decided to wait until we were alone until I asked him, I just hoped he didn't leave before Kenny.

I looked over at Kenny, his face was pale and his eyes and mouth were gaping wide, making a fish like expression. I then looked over at Stan, whose forehead was wrinkled and he had a look of pure anger in his eyes.

"Are you and Wendy still together?" I asked, trying to break the tension between Kenny and Stan, it was so thick it would take a chainsaw to cut through it.

"Of course not! Why would I be with her after she cheated on me?" Stan snapped.

"Because you're obsessively in love with her?" I asked.

I was glad that he broke up with her though, not because I'm in love with him or anything like that, but because she was always breaking him down, using him whenever she saw fit.  
She would dump him and date other guys about every other week, and then she would come crawling back to him, and like the soft hearted boy that he is, he always gave in, it started to become sickening.

"Wendy and I are done, over, finito, I am not riding that train again." Stan said so firmly that part of me believed him, however, the other part knew that Stan would probably take Wendy back with open arms if she asked him. Then again... he had dumped her, that had never happened before.

"Uh, I think I'm going to go, I have a date tonight." Kenny said, awkwardly shuffling out of the room.

"Oh, are you going to tell her how you kiss other people's girlfriends? You know, I bet she has another boyfriend." Stan snapped.

"Oh, you'd be half right there, my date is Bebe, she's dating Henrietta." Kenny said.

Stan and I both gasped at that, Bebe was dating Henrietta, a popular princess girl who loved pink, was dating a GIRL GOTH?

I didn't know which was more surprising, the fact that she was dating a goth, or the fact that she was dating a girl.

"Uh, is Bebe seriously dating Henrietta, or is it some kind of joke, like a dare given to her by all the other populars?" Stan asked, he seemed more confused than angry now.

"I don't know to be honest, probably, I mean, she didn't seem against dating me." Kenny said with a shrug.

"Maybe they're in an open relationship, or maybe Bebe is bisexual, and she is allowed to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend." I said. If she wasn't, then that added another suspect to my list; Henrietta.

* * *

 _ **Stan's POV:**_

After what seemed like an eternity, that fuckwad Kenny finally left to go on his date with Bebe.

I was about to leave too, when I am suddenly shoved back against the wall roughly by Kyle.

He stood so close to me, that I could smell the mint of the toothpaste on his breath, he was so close in fact, that I thought he was going to kiss me.

I almost closed the gap, I mean, kissing him wouldn't be so bad right? I trusted him more than anything, I knew that he wouldn't cheat on me like Wendy.

However, before I could, he started talking.

"Are you the trolls of South Park?" He asked.

"What? How can you ask that?" I asked, slightly hurt, I couldn't believe that my super best friend would think I was capable of something like that.

"Well, they're attacking Kenny, and he did kiss Wendy." Kyle said.

"You know me better than that, you know I'm not the kind for revenge, you remember what happened the last time Wendy hurt me?" I asked.

"You turned into a goth pussy? Oh, that reminds me, if it's not you, then I have another suspect who it might be." Kyle said.

"Henrietta?" I guessed.

"Yep, I mean, if she didn't give Bebe the green light to date Kenny, then she's going to be pretty pissed at Kenny." He said.

"This is Henrietta we're talking about, she probably thinks the trolls are a bunch of conformists, knowing her she'd probably write poetry in her diary or something." I said.

"Well, if it's not Cartman, Jimmy, you, or Henrietta, then I'm out of ideas." Kyle said with a sigh, sitting onto the bed, putting his head in his hands.

"Why do you care so much?" I asked, sitting down beside him.

"Because, Kenny is our friend, he doesn't deserve to have this bastard troll attack him like this." Kyle said.  
I could beg to differ, but instead I said,  
"What if it's more than one person? Like a tag team?"

"It could be, but could there really be more than one person at our school that is THAT immature other than Cartman?" Kyle asked.

He had a point here, but this was South Park, everyone was a little bit stupid.  
"What if it's not a student?" I asked.

"What? Only people who go to South Park school have access." Kyle said.

"Yes, that includes the teachers, what if it's a teacher? Like Mr Garrison, that seems like something he would do." I said.

"Oh my gosh! You're right! And maybe Mr Twig is one of the other trolls!" Kyle exclaimed, jumping up with a glint in his eyes.

And with that, he ran out of the room, leaving me alone.

I was about to leave as well, when I heard a ding on my phone, indicating that someone had commented my story that I had uploaded a few days ago on a website for young writers.

It felt like my heart was about to bust out of my chest from excitement and nerves, I had never imagined that anyone would comment on MY story, but someone did!

I took a deep breath, and clicked on my story to check the comments, what I saw nearly made me drop my phone from shock and anger.

 _Dis story suks! U suk! Go suk a dik!_

So, the trolls were spreading, and now, they were infiltrating my writings as well.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Kenny's POV**_

I walked hand in hand with Bebe out of the diner towards her car.

"I really had fun tonight." She said with a faint blush on her cheeks.

"So did I." I said before kissing her softly. She responded by running her fingers through my hair, and pushing me up against the hood of her car.

"Uh, Bebe, we're in public." I hissed, when she started to pull down my trousers.  
I wasn't complaining, but I didn't want her to do something she would regret.

"Oh, it's fine, there's no one out." Bebe said. However, as soon as those words left her mouth, I saw a tall shadow looming over us. When I looked, I saw it was one of the goth kids, I wasn't sure of his name, we all just called him Curley Goth.

"What are you doing here?" Bebe demanded as I pulled my trousers back up.

"Wondering what you're doing cheating on Henrietta." Curley Goth responded, glaring at both of us.

"Why do you care about monogamy? Isn't that like super conformist?" Bebe asked calmly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You don't understand the laws of being a goth, ugh, I knew it was a bad idea for Henrietta to date you, you know, you can just stay with this STD infested trailer trash." He snapped.

"Excuse me?" I demanded, meeting his gaze. Usually, I don't like to get involved, but what he said crossed the line, I don't even live in a trailer.

"You heard me." Curley Goth said, glaring intently at me.

"It sounds to me like you have a thing for Henrietta, if you're jealous of her and Bebe, then maybe you should have grown a pair and asked her out yourself." I snapped.

"Um, how does caring if my friend is being cheated on equal to me liking her?" He demanded.

"Come on Kenny, let's just go." Bebe said.

"Yea, go with your slut, I'm sure she'll give it-" Curley started to say, however, he didn't get to finish his sentence before I slammed my fist into his mouth.

That is when the fight of the year broke out.

Kids from school started showing up, Craig, Clyde, and Token backed me up, while the other goths backed Curley up.

I don't recall who won, I just remembered waking up in my bed, which probably meant I died.  
I guess that's life.

* * *

 _ **Kyle's POV:**_

Stan sighed and sat down on my bed, causing it to creak slightly underneath his weight. Yesterday, he had revealed to me that he too was getting the troll messages.

"There have been five more since yesterday." He said with a groan.

"Can I see?" I asked.

"Sure." He said, handing his phone over to me.

"THIS STORY SUCKS JUST LIKE AMERICA AND OBAMA, I BET HE SUCKS DONKEY NUTS! AHHH I'M SO ANGRY!" I read the first comment after the one that said he "suks dik" out loud.

"Well, that guy seems to have anger issues." I said.

"Yea, that's not the worst one." Stan said.

Reading through the other comments, I knew what he meant, there was a comment that was saying that the person wanted to tie him up and shoot him in the head.  
"You should report this." I told him.

"I've tried, but you can't report people if they're posting from a guest account." He said.

"Do you have any other suspects besides Mr Garrison?" I asked, we figured to get a pretty good size list before we started to investigate anyone.

"Craig maybe? He's a dick and he doesn't like me." Stan said.  
"Yea, but I don't think Craig cares enough to troll anyone, and he likes Kenny, and Kenny started to get the comments before you did." I said.

"Oh speaking of Kenny, did you hear what happened? I heard he got killed by the goths after he cheated with Bebe." Stan said, I could have sworn that he sounded happy about it.

"I know! I was shocked, I figured that goths would have found dating just one person conformist." I said.

"Yea, but you never know with those guys, they're about unpredictable as they are predictable." Stan said.

I was about to respond to him, when my phone started buzzing.

When I looked at it, what I saw made me gasp in shock, not only had the trolls targeted Kenny on the school newspaper, Stan on his story, but now they were targeting me on my online journal!

* * *

 _ **Stan's POV:**_

"What's wrong?" I asked Kyle, who looked like he had just seen a ghost.

He slowly turned his phone to face me,

 _You suck cocks in hell!_

It read, so, the trolls were now targeting him as well.

"Well, I guess that crosses Mr Garrison off our list." I said.

"Why?" He asked.

"Well, because believe it or not, you were his favourite student." I said.

"Nu uh." Kyle said.

"Trust me, you were." I said, not wanting to argue with him.  
"So, how's it going with you and Wendy?" He asked, causing me to groan, why does everyone keep asking about me and Wendy? We are broken up!

"We're still broken up." I said flatly, trying to keep my irritation out of my voice, with these trolls attacking me, and with Kenny not really on my side, I can't really afford to lose anymore friends.

"I know, but has she asked you back out or anything?" Kyle asked.

"No, and I'm glad, I'm not good at rejecting people, no matter if they cheated or not." I answered honestly. I was however, curious as to why Kyle kept asking about Wendy, he didn't have a crush on her did he?

I pushed the thought out of my head, that was silly, even though Kyle and Wendy had a lot in common, they weren't into each other, were they?  
No, I was just on edge because of what happened with Kenny.

"I wonder if anyone other than us are getting comments like these." Kyle said, breaking into my thoughts.

"I'm sure if Cartman was, we would have heard about it by now, same with Butters and Tweek." I said.

"Yea, same with Wendy and Bebe." Kyle said.

"I have a new suspect." He then said.

"Who?" I asked.

"Butters."

I nearly laughed out loud at that, Butters? That kid wouldn't hurt a fly, much less troll people online.

"Are you for real? The kid almost killed himself after reading all the negative comments from internet bullies." I reminded him.

"Well, yea, but that was a few years ago, and I didn't mean Butters exactly, I meant his alter-ego, Professor Chaos." Kyle said.

"Do you really think he still plays as Professor Chaos?" I snorted out.

"Well, this is Butters we're talking about, so yes." Kyle answered.

"I don't know, I honestly don't think he's smart enough to pull this off." I said.

"Stan, Butters might be a little naive, but he has one of the highest GPAs in our year." Kyle reminded me.

"Okay, fine, we'll investigate him too, but you owe me twenty dollars when I prove that Butters isn't the troll." I said.

"You're on." Kyle said, and we shook on it.

I then got a thought, what if Kyle was the troll? He was pretty smart and knowledgable of computers, and he was usually the one pointing out new suspects, not to mention that he was the last of us to start getting troll messages. What if he somehow sent that message to himself to take the suspicion off himself?  
I just knew one thing for sure, I would have to start watching him very closely.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Kyle's POV:**_

I walked into the basement where Stan and Kenny were already waiting, they were glaring at each other from a distance, I let out a sigh, I figured they would have put their differences aside by now.

"Guys, if we're going to work on solving this case together, don't you at least think that we should get along?" I asked.

"I don't need to get along with him to figure out who the trolls are, you said you got something, what is it?" Stan asked, turning his attention to me.

"Well, I traced the IP address of some of the trolls, Turd, Rorke, Guest Two, and Lord Anger, and it turns out, they're all coming from the same computer." I said.

"I also know what you're thinking, Turd sounds like a username Shelley would use right? However, she graduated already, so there's no way it can be her." I added.

"So, this pretty much confirms that the troll is just one person, right?" Stan asked.

"It would seem that way, unless it's more than one person using the same PC, like we do sometimes." I pointed out.

"Well then, I don't really see how this helps." Kenny said in a tone that sounded like some of his anger towards Stan, was being directed towards me as well.

"It helps because if we look at the computer, then we can check other sites, to see if anyone has logged in recently, and then go from there." I said.

"I don't know, everyone at school probably has used that computer, it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack, we're not any closer than we are before." Stan grumbled.

"I had a plan, tomorrow at school, we can hide in the janitor's closet beside the computer lab, and right after one of us gets a troll message, we bust in there and see who is in there, they can't just vanish can they?" I said.

"What if we don't get a message tomorrow?" Stan asked.  
"Then we wait until the next day, we keep trying until we find out who is doing this." I said.

"So, what you're saying is, we skip classes to try to catch the troll in the act? Normally, I would be all for this plan, but I really don't want it to interfere with my school work, and I know you don't either." Stan said.

"Why are you so against this? Unless..." I stopped mid-sentence, Stan couldn't be one of the trolls, could he? He seemed to shaken up about the trolls messages, and there was no way he would send such hurtful things to himself, is there.

"You think I'm the troll?" Stan asked with a scoff,

"I could say the same thing for you, you started getting messages last, and you're always the one to point out new suspects." He continued.

"Stan, get out of my house." I said, not wanting to argue with him anymore.

I guess he didn't want to argue either, because he left without saying another word.

* * *

 _ **Stan's POV:**_

I stomped out of Kyle's house with anger bubbling up in my chest, I couldn't believe he had the audacity to accuse me of being the trolls, and then to kick me out of his house like I wasn't his super best friend?  
It seemed like when something super serious went down, he always blamed me.

Then again, I also blamed him, maybe we weren't as good of friends as I thought, maybe sometimes, people just drift apart.

I let out a sigh when I heard a ding on my phone, indicating that I had gotten another comment, probably another troll comment, I really didn't need this right now.

When I pictured the troll, I didn't see Kyle, instead I saw that guy who kept killing us while we were playing WOW.

A thought then hit me, what if he was the troll? What if he was still angry that we defeated him? I knew that only teachers and current students of the South Park school system could get on the website, but surely a skilled hacker like himself could get onto the site right?

I pulled out my phone to text Kyle, when I remembered that we were fighting, I would give him a few hours to cool down before I told him about my suspicion.

I almost then texted Kenny, but I decided against it, I still wasn't ready to talk to him.

All of my friends keep telling me that I should give him a break, that it's bros before hos, but I don't really believe in that terminology, I believe to take the side of whoever was there for me, and in this case, it was neither of them, so I am going to continue to ignore both of them, until they show me that they're truly sorry.

I don't think Kenny ever will though, I don't even think he feels remorse for what he did, and he's supposed to be one of my best friends.

When I reached my house, I decided to read the troll comment, I mean, I've already seen a whole lot, what could one more hurt?  
However, when I read the comment, I realised that I was wrong, dead wrong, this one would hurt a lot.

I slowly read it over again, to make sure I had gotten it correct,

 _I know your secret, and unless you want everyone else to find it out, I suggest you stop looking for me._

I swallowed hard and turned my phone off, I didn't want to imagine what anyone, especially Cartman, would do if they found out my secret, I was going to stop trying to figure out the troll's identity, I just hoped that I could convince Kyle and Kenny to do the same.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: I'm really sorry for taking foreverrr, I would like to thank everyone who read and reviewed. I would also like to thank the trolls, this story would not be possible without them._

* * *

 _ **Stan's POV**_

This morning, I received the most ridiculous troll comment, it read:  
 _You guys are the trolls, not us, you don't even realise it._

That didn't make any sense to me, I wondered for a moment if Kyle could decipher it, but then I remembered, that he might have been one of the trolls himself.

What if this troll knew about it, and he was subtly trying to tell me and Kenny the truth?

Nah, if someone really wanted to tell us something that important, they would tell us straight out. Unless, they knew Kyle would find out, and they didn't want to be on his radar.

I sat down with a sigh, this was all too complicated. Besides, I had vowed to stop trying to figure out who the troll was, I didn't want them to figure out my secret.

 _Go fuck yourself my toilet!_

Suddenly appeared in my comments, I also wondered what they meant by that, did they mean to say, go fuck yourself ON my toilet?  
At first, the trolls did upset me a little, but now I was starting to laugh at how ridiculous they were.

There were a few more comments, some from homophobes, some from that angry Russian dude. I decided to just scan over those, they were the same stuff.

After I read all the comments, I exited out of the site, and plugged my phone into the charger, reading comments from idiots can really run your battery down.

I jumped suddenly when I heard a loud knock, knockity, knock on the door, I recognised that knock, it was Wendy's knock.

I thought about just ignoring it, but knowing how persistent she is, she would probably be knocking on my door all day; I would still have to try though.

I put the pillow over my head, but it didn't do much to drown out her knocks, after about ten minutes of teeth grinding, I finally stood up and opened the door.

"Took you long enough." Wendy grumbled, the anger was purely visible in her dark brown eyes.

"What do you want Wendy?" I asked with a sigh.

"Well, as you know Homecoming is coming up, and-"

"No, I'm not going with you, when I said it was over for good, I meant it." I said. She quickly put her foot in the door as I started to close it, and pushed it open.

"I don't want you to go with me, I want you to go with Nichole." She said.

"Nichole? I can't date Nichole! Kyle likes her." I said.

"Well, just between you and me, Nichole doesn't like Kyle, she did for like a second in the fourth grade, but now, she thinks he's kind of a loser, you don't want your friend getting his heart broke, do you?" She asked quietly.

"He's going to be hurt either way, more so if Nichole started dating his best friend." I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Fine, will you take Bebe then?" She asked with a sigh.

"I thought Bebe was with Kenny, or Henrietta, or whoever?"

"Oh right, well, what about Heidi?"

"With Cartman."

"Powder?"

"With Token."

"Okay, do you want to date any of my girlfriends who you know are single?" Wendy asked with slight irritation in her voice.

I had to wonder why she was so desperate to get me with one of her friends.

"Nope, sorry Wendy, I'll see you around." I said, before gently escorting her out of the door, before shutting it.

I then decided to check my phone for more comments, I smiled when I saw there were none.

 _ **Kyle's POV**_

"I still can't believe Stan thought I was the troll." I grumbled to Kenny, we had decided against trying to catch the troll in the act, mostly because today was Saturday, and mostly because it would have affected our grades and attendance.

"Well, to be fair, you kind of suspected him too." Kenny pointed out.

"Hey! You're mad at him, you're supposed to agree with everything I say." I said half-jokingly.

Kenny opened his mouth to reply, when a knock-knockity-knock, resonated through the house.

"I wonder what she wants." I muttered, knowing that was Wendy's signature knock.

"Go answer it and find out." Kenny said with a shrug.

I nodded and walked to the door, as soon as I opened it, Wendy grabbed me by the front of my shirt, and pulled me outside.

"Hi Kyle." She said with her sickly sweet voice.

"What do you want?" I asked with a groan, I could think of a million other things I'd rather be doing, than talking to her.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to the Homecoming dance with me." She said.

I widened my eyes slightly, she was asking ME to the Homecoming dance? Was she crazy? Didn't she know that I would never date her because of Stan? Even though we were fighting, I still wouldn't do that to him.

"No way dude, I can't do that to Stan." I said.

"Oh, well, it doesn't look like he shares the same bro-code of conduct as you." Wendy said.

"What do you mean?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Oh, it's just that Nichole just texted me, and said that Stan asked her to the dance." Wendy said.

I felt my blood run cold through my veins, Stan wouldn't do that, would he? I mean, I know we were fighting, but we fought a lot, and he never betrayed me like that before.

"I don't believe you." I said firmly.

"Oh yea?" Wendy said, holding her phone up to my face, sure enough, it was a picture that Nichole sent her, a picture of a text from Stan asking her to the dance. I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists, as far as I was concerned, Stan and I were no long super best friends!

 _ **Kenny's POV**_

"I can't believe you photoshopped that text Nichole sent you, and convinced Kyle that Stan asked her out." I said with amusement as Wendy and I sat together on the bench at Stark's Pond.

"Well, I had to think of a way to tear them apart." She said.

"Why are you so desperate to tear them apart?" I asked curiously.

"How does this comment look?" She asked, ignoring my question, the comment read,

' _You are inelegant idiots who should never write again.'_

"Eh, try not to use such big words." I said.

Okay, so, the truth was, I was the original troll, I was just trying to get some attention, because no one ever notices me, it was nice to have some of the attention for once.

About a week into my trolling, Wendy found out, she promised not to tell, if I allowed her to be in on it. I didn't know why she wanted to help troll, but I figured she must have had her reasons. I then wondered if her tearing Stan and Kyle apart, was the reason she started to troll.

"Do they have any suspects?" She asked.

"Well, other than each other, they've named a few people that they've debunked, your name hasn't been brought up yet." I said.

"Good, oh, and thanks again for asking Nichole to Homecoming." She said, before standing up and leaving me alone on the bench with nothing but my thoughts.


End file.
